Honestly, I have no mood to blog. I do not know where to go, what to do, and who to turn to.
I wanna thank all my true and good friends.. They have been the real supportives people who are keeping me going. Though not all of you would read this, I really appreciate you guys.. Thank you.. Avril, Tinsley, Amanda B., Shu Ning, Wei Ling, Petrina, Sisi, George, Charmaine Mak, Vanessa Yong, Kingsley, Samantha Lim, Joshua Tay, Mr. Andrew Quek, Karthik, Mdm. Norhani, Mr. Freddy Wong, Pastor Aaron, Mr. Juhari, Ms. Felicia Tan, Ms. Tan Yee Leng, Mr. Ong, Mr. Yap, Mr. Chiang, Mr. Kwok, Ms. Yew, Mr. Philip, Mr. Bakar.. In no order of anything, you people have really shown that you really care for me, and you would make the special effort to help me and comfort me and to make sure I am ok..
20 points... English - A2; Mathematics - A2; Combined Humanities - A2; Biology - C6; Chemistry - B3; Physics - C5... To me, though its a really high jump from my prelims score, 20 in itself is not a really good score...In fact, it is not good at all... However I thank God for whatever result I got. The moment I got of the phone, everyone's first question was : "Did your mum scold you??" I do not know what it means or whatever, but I guess they all know......
Thank you Avril for always being by me through every step of the way.. I really appreciate you for being there for me always.. Thank you for letting me share with you and confide in you everything I feel..and for all the love and care you have showered upon me.. Love you..
Well, I especially appreciate Tinsley who really sensitive and all...Despite getting 8 points and all, he did not gloat about it or just be happy.. After talking to me in the hall, he still made the extra effort to call me and make sure I was ok.. Thank you Tinsley.... I appreciate this more that I can say.. You are really an all-weather friend...Amanda too.. Despite having her own stuff to settle and all, she bothered to sms me and check up with me and all... Thanks Amanda..Appreciate it..
Also wanna really thank Ms. Tan, Mr. Ong, and Mr. Kwok for putting in so much so much effort to try to get me into SAJC.. They said the see my contribution to the school... And are willing to help.. I was really touched when Ms. Tan (VP) offered to meet me outside school time and venue to help me chart out and appeal.. Thank you so so much..
Today, someone asked me.."You have such a lousy score still so happy... Still have face ah?"..."Huh...Must go and trouble people so that you can get into a JC"....."Now then you know that you are stupid ah?" Those words cut deep....Real deep.. Coming from the person it came from, made it all worse...(Please...-.- not Avril..) Hais.. This is the reason I have no mood.. No mood at all..
Well, just spoke to Loisa on MSN... I thank God that I did.. Well, to Louie, I have been God-sent... And I am glad I ministered to her.. Louie, if you are reading this......Remember this - "...seek first his kingdon and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.." -- Matthew 6:33..
"Father, I thank You for everything You have done in my life... God I now only pray for your forgiveness and your guidance..Please be with me and all of your people who need you..Thank You God...In Jesus' Name....Amen!"
It has been a super super long since I last blogged..Haha... But.....Its busy busy busy for me... Having a job and all.......... Haha..But the workplace is fun....Got my own room, own telephone, own laptop....No one to disturb me....hehe..Oh my..And its so so slack!!! I must admit....Of the 9 hrs i work, at least 3 hrs of it is slacking..Hehe.. Found a huge pile of paper clips in the drawer, and decided to experiment shaping them into names..hehe..Did one for Mummy, Daddy, Avril and myself!! Hehe..It was not too bad......In fact, quite nice actually...*ahem ahem*
Tomorrow I shall be going to help in the Secondary One camp!!! All in the aim of fulfilling my 150 CIP hours I have to complete..Hehe..Nah.....Sec. 1 camp is always fun..Especially when U are helping out...haha..Gonna get many many opportunities to reconnect wth the councillors, and talk to Mr Chiang on advice on how to tackle my "friendship issue"...Those involved should know what I am referring to...but..Hope I would have a fun time there..hehe....I shall help in whatever way I can, and not slack....Actually, I really feel very extra going.. But, its alright...I am going to do a project...My President's Man project..lol..
Anyways, this week should be the last week working in DDI.....Gawd, I am gonna miss that company..And my room..And everything..haha..They have been so nice to me :(....Nevermind, move on and try new places..haha.. And Uncle Bruce is great!! He has offered me a job in Safe2Travel!!!! hehe..Imagine......Employed by the CEO.....Wow..haha..Was telling daddy: " Ask Uncle Bruce to meet me at the door....Then none of the staff shall try to bully me.." Lol..And, as usual, Daddy's response would be a snort..haha.."Huh..U think what...." Haha..I think Daddy is very funny....Yup..Hope the new environment would be fun...haha..
Now for my deepest thoughts and feelings...I feel abandoned...As in.....Put in 2nd place by everybody...Really, everybody. There is this sort of biasedness against me, and its as though I am like a Second Class Citizen of this world.. Upon a mistake, first one to get blamed would be me.. And it seems that effort is wasted on me... You'll never understand how I feel.. No doubt, lots of other things are equally bestowed, and sometimes I would get more...But...There are these little things that i feel towards that really grip the heart...hais..Noone would ever understand... Not only family, even YoU... I really feel that I am just second or even third in your life...Studies first, friends second, then comes me.....Maybe its not true.....But its how i feel..U spend more time daily with your friends than even being with me on the phone..Lately, its like...U can stay in school till 5 or 6pm, and when U get home, its like.."Byee...I gotta go.." I just feel left out.... It seems that if the time spent in our lives whould be plotted in a pie chart, I would be less than 10% is people's chart..And these are people who I spend a majority of my time on...Everyone..... Rev Kong was right..(His messages really helped me alot btw)..Hais..Enough on this..
I shall just claim on Psalms 23:4 - Even thought I walk through the vally of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. I am a Child of the Living God..
Anyway....I'll continue to seek God in all my ways and let him take control over my life..
"Father, I am thankful that You know my innermost desires and emotions.. God, You alone know how I feel, and how I hurt. I Thank you too for the little pockets of joy that You have given to help me overcome this situation. And Father, your peace that surpasses all understanding....Indeed, God, I wait on you, that I may soar on wings of eagles, and be lifted from my troubles..Please be with me, and help me to work out my problems in accordance to your will. Thank you Jesus for listen to me..I love you.. Amen..."
Today, I went down for the interview thing for a job at the agency.. Did my resume at home, and realised that actually, I have quite a good resume to send in. Having all those flowery achievements, accolates and positions.. Certificates to back them up.. And a whole lot of bulls**t to add in.. Went down to the office and did a test.. It turned out that what I thought I knew well, had many things in it that I have never seen, lest hear about in my life before. Hmmm... Of course people would ask me to train up on those that I am not too competent in....But it set me thinking.. Am I all that I think I am?? Are the people around me all that I think they are??
Me.... I have always thought of myself as a friendly, outgoing, full of stupid jokes, and a person who has leadership.. Louie says that I am nice and always smiling.. Am I all I seem to be?? I ask myself.. I guess its all appropriate that I ask myself this question now..My answer to myself was Nope..I am not all I seem to be.. Not all.. I think I am friendly, outgoing, nice and all..Please correct me if i'm wrong..
However, I am not always smiling.. I admit..There is hate and bitterness in me.. And there are reasons for having them..I know, there are no legitimate reasons for habouring hate, but I cant help it.. I have always recorded my anger towards JnL.. Every now and then, the question lingers..."if they did not do what they did to me...." Come on...Now the world is bugging me.. That day, Josh came and talk to me about it.. And Because of what JnL did, she is telling everybody now.. Talk about privacy.. Can I control who i want to know any longer?? Haiz...Forget it..
Somethings that I have learnt over all my years....
No.1) Always give people the benefit of the doubt before U make your conclusion.
No.2) Always always follow the rules you set for yourself (If not, your life would be screwed up from then on).
No.3) Be slow to react.
No.4) Love life.
No.5) Remember to always practice GRACE.
No.6) Be humble to apologise or to accept apology.
These would make your life much happier, and a whole lot more satisfying to live.
The conversation just now hurt me alot.. I am relieved that you are willing to forgive me.. But what you said about talking to me and hearing my voice..It made my heart crash..Crash right down..I dont blame you..But from what you said, I have surely failed..Haiz.. The impact of it was bad..But whats to come will be enough to kill..wait till I am lying in my bed, and thinking of everything.. Sighs..
Just saw a picture....It shall add on to what I am gonna think about tonight....So much for trusting you..No doubt that there were many others...But..haiz..Forget it..
WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME??? Why? Why? Why?? I know I was wrong..I know am wrong.. I know I will be wrong..But why must this happen to me?? I lift a prayer of dispair, of helplessness..."God, find me....." In my quiet place I cry, in my deepest emotions, I hurt... This feeling of hopelessness lingers in me.. "You are useless..Stupid..Lousy.." Everyone calls out... Is it true?? I think it is.. Do I have to live this life any longer? I cannot take it anymore.. It is sapping the life out of me..Slowly..
Have you ever had the feeling that everyone around you is against you? Thats the life I am living now... "God, help me....." The pain, the sorrow, the hurt is too much to bear... I just feel like ending it all.. But I can't, can I?? Everything I have built up, everything that i have done, everything that I plan to do, can I just give it all up? Right now, it seems all worth it to end it all.. To just give it up..I SURRENDER.. I have lost..I cannot go on.. Being positive no longer helps.. having a cheerful front to mask all saddness and pain no longer works.. What else can I do???
Behind the sobs and the cries, behind the Amos that we see..Who am I really?? Who am I?? No..I am no longer able to stand up to the stress that I once was able to face..
My God is a good God..Praise Him..I cant control it..My tears flow free as i feel His love envelope me..Sitting here, He gave me this line.."Broken hearts, broken lives, He will take them all" He gave his only son for me..Who would give his life for someone like me?? Praise be to my God..
"...Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" - Hebrews 13:5-6
" God, I thank you that you are the same yesterday, today and forever.. I thank You that u are willing to take me as Your child, as broken as I am. . You have reminded me of my significance in you, and I can experience you love. Father, like I told Avril, Your love is all I need.. And the experience today with you was so refreshing and so uplifting. Indeed I will tell the world that Jesus lives! Thank you for cleansing me of my sins..I love you God, and thank you for your doings in my life. I praise you forever... Amen."
Yesterday went out with Avril, Xiao Xuan, and "Josiah"...hehe..First, wE went out to watch Chicken Little..Its super cute la..Hehe..Chicken Little is very cute..Hehe..Omg..But I identified with how he felt at the start..Nobody believed him, nobody trusted him, and everybody thought that he is just some useless kid...I totally understand how he feels..Haiz..It sucks...The feeling is the worse in the world..Trust me....Anways, thank God that he had a chance to prove himself..I hope that I myself have a chance..Hmmm..Anyways...After that, we went to KFC to eat a super budget meal..Hehe..2 of us sharing a 2-piece chicken meal..Oh my..I think other people around us thought we were super poor la..Haha..After that, we went to Macs to wait for XX..
Anyways, after that, we went to bowl at Cathay Bowl in Safra...Haha...It was so cool la..Anyway....My score sucked..Worse I had in years..My goodness..Can u believe it??? 115 and 98?? This is maddness....The toll of O'levels on your bowling scores...Hehe..It has been a really long long time since I last bowled..My goodness...Really out of shape!! Nevermind..Shall go for tonnes of bowling when I am in Malaysia!! Hehe..Imagine..With the bowling alley just at the basement of your hotel?? wa..Can bowl till midnight..Hehe..Yup..
After the bowling, we took bus 65..Brought back fond memories of my trip one beautiful afternoon all the way from Tampines Interchange, to Plaza Singapura..Hehe..Right Avrill?? *winks*.. Hehe..We took 65 one stop to Bedok Reservoir to watch the sunset..Hehe..Went walking around the jogging tracks, where we..No no..Mainly XX took many many pictures..Using my phone..Hehe..So many la..the official count was 28..plus many more that were in another folder..haha..Yup..Then we realised that XX was late for tuition!! Haha..Chiong ah...Hehe..On the way to the busstop, we helped XX think of how to write her composition,which, by the way was supposed to be HOMEwork to be passed up at tuition..Hehe..Just kidding ya Xiao Xuan..Hehe..Me, as usual was not helping, but just adding in all my crap..Only to be scolded by the rest..=p..By the time we got to the busstop, we pretty much had a good..or maybe..not so good story to write le..hehe..
Xx wrote the story on the bus, and we went to BK after that for dinner..XX went with us la..And it was already 7:30pm le..Strangely enough,XX's tuition starts at 7:30pm..But she insisted on eating dinner with us..So....We gave ourselves till 8pm to get out of there..hehe..Avril and I watched as XX went into the tuition class..haha..Half an hour late..It was so funny..Yup..
After sending XX off at the tuition centre, Avril and I went to the pasir malam to walk!! hehe..Bought Sharks Fin for Avril to bring home and eat, and 2 Ramly burgers for me to bring home for daddy and kor kor..We shared a taiwan sausage..Yup..Oh yes..Avril showed me what kind of t-shirt designs I must buy in Malaysia..Hehe..I will keep that in mind....Haha..Yup..
Today was normal, woke up at 8 to wake Avril up for her to go to school..Hehe..Then went to play my PDA and read..Hmmm..Then went to watch Friends..Oh ya..Thank you Aunty Olive for the whole series..Haha...Waited for Avril to call, and she finally did..hehe..Asking me to find a guitar tuner for her, from about 2km away from where she was..Hehe..Anyways..Such are the things that make her cute!! Haha..Yup..Then went out just now after dinner to buy mummy's birthday present, and kor kor's gameboy..Haha..Yup..You heard correctly..Kor kor's..But its a Gameboy Advance SP..Yup..Anyways..Yup..Just gave mummy her present!! She seems happy..Haha..Hope she likes it!!! Happy Birthday Mummy!!!!
Shall end with my prayer now..Hehe.."Father, thank you for everything you have done for me..Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins..Please forgive me and cleanse me, that I may stand before you with clean hands and a pure heart..I pray that You would bless mummy on her birthday, and that You will give her good health..Bless me, Avril and everybody that we come in contact with..Thank You in Jesus name..Amen!"
Today is Saturday!! The day before Ruel's bithday... Supposed to watch Chicken Little with my family, but we cancelled it..Anyways..We brought my grand mother out for lunch at Bedok Corner..Haha..Met the Cheng Tng man(my dad's friend).. He was super funny..He told daddy that they were getting old, and their children are much older now..Then he pointed to this elderly fella infront of his stall, and told daddy.."See?? My youngest son..Lao liao right??" The old man just looked at him and stared..Haha..The old man probably thought he was crazy..Hehe...
After lunch, dropped my bro off at church for worship practice, and we went off to Parkway to bring my grandma shopping...Felt so guilty that I couldnt call YoU, but kept miss calling you..However, I didnt have to feel guilty cause YoU kept miss calling me back!! Guess you have not left the hotel yet..Haha..After the shopping at Giant, we went to sit down at the foodcourt where I met Faith, Praise, and the eldest sister..Haha..When they walked past, i waved, and mummy smiled and said hi..hehe..dunno for what though..But.....Maybe courtesy...Haha..
Later, went to see the computers..Hmm..iBook only at S$1477?? Unbelivable..Must be an old model..Hehe.Oh yes..And saw a fencing school at Parkway..Cool..
After that, we picked my brother, and went to the airport to have Ruel's birthday dinner...Swensens...Its gonna close tomorrow by the way....Yup..Had fun, took quite a few pictures, and me wearing the balloon hat..Hehe..Yup..Happy Birthday Ruel!!!!! In advance..
Finally came home, and I called Avril..Hmm..Haha..Did not really talk to her for the whole of today..Yup..Missed YoU loads ya..I just checked on the SFC..The Singapore Flying Club..Cool..It costs only S$4129 to join..Ad the return you the flying deposit upon registration..So in all, about S$2629 only..Went to tell daddy and mummy..And mummy was like..."So what if you can join?" And I said.." I can fly a plane, and can use the club's planes.." So mummy replied.."To be a pilot, you think only need that certificate?? Pilot needs to have the academic certificate too.. You think can become pilot??" Sigh...
Why does everyone think that I can so stupid? Or am I really stupid?? Haiz..Since before Premils already like that..I dunno what to say.....Last time, when I got my Founder's Man Badge....." Have this kind of award would be useless if you dont even have the academic qualifications.." I know they dont curse me, and it probably was meant to make me do well?? I dunno..I hope it mean well....But now I see its ramifications on morale..It really sucks to know that people think you are STUPID...Cant help it..Haiz..Anyways..I shall move in with life..Stupid or not...
Have a really bad cough and my throat hurts real bad..Haiz..And I just spoke to Amanda B..And...Oh no....Hey..This is to all my CG people...Whatever rumour you hear or think you know, it is not true..I do not like _ _ _ _ _ _...Yup..Ok?? Please....I dont....Thanks..
"Dear God, today was great, and I thank you for your protection over me and my family..Please forgive me of all my sins so that I can me clean and pure again before you..Father, You know how I feel about what happened..Help me to get through it..Whether I am stupid or not, You made me, and You know me, and I know You love me..So help me to overcome it all..And once again Father, I thank You that You are so great in my life.. Please help me to be bold in spreading Your good news..Thank You for everything you have blessed me with..Thank you God for everything..Amen!"
Hello....A new blog!! Hmm..This shall be my first post here, and there is so much to blog about..So many exciting stuff has been happening.. First was the VBC, then the CG outing, Avril commin back from camp, Sentosa, and today!!
First on the list is VBC!! Oh my....VBC rocked ok..At first, it was like.."ok..go and help out and then its over..." But much to my surprise, VBC was superb!!!! On the first day itself, I was already so attatched to the kids in my play group-Habbakuk..They were simply lovely and so so cute! When I first saw Jimmy, my goodness...If only I could pinch him!! Hehe..Nah.....And of course came my 2 little "angels"..Haha..Yi Ling and Xiao Shi..Aiyo.. Then Valencia..Super good girl..Must get her a christmas present for all the help she gave me..Thanks Valencia!!! Oh yes...Lucas!! hehe..At least taking care of him helped me get some exercise..hehe..
Going through the 4 days of camp with them, I really had so much fun and enjoyed every moment I had with my play group..So vibrant, so full of joy, so energetic(i was really tired though), and so innocent in worship..These children are really a blessing, and a source of joy..Thank God for the priviledge to serve in VBC..All the way tho, was missing YoU!!
Parents' Nite came on the 3rd day, and we were all preparing for concert3rd day of camp was also the day Avril went off to camp..Felt extra lonely, and missed you loads..Haiz..Anyways....Elisa needed help, so I went over to help her..Hehe..Later, we found out that we "over worked"..Haha..Anyways..Then, my group children saw me working with Elisa, and started their crap..Its totally untrue ok!!! I have one, and shall always have only one-Avril..Hehe..Anyway..yup... At the actual Parents' Nite, I saw really glad when i saw my 2 "angels" doing the actions for the songs..Throughout the camp, they did not do, so seeing them, do, it was really good..Yup..
Last day of camp was the saddest, but yet just as fun as all the camp days has been..Saddest cause we would all be leaving camp, and probably wont be seeing each other again..But fun...cause....everyday at camp was fun!!Yup.. Really thank God for his blessing that the camp ran smoothly, and that we all enjoyed ourselves..Yup..And met many many new people at camp..Haha..They were in Frontliners,but I never knew they existed..Yup..I pray that God will protect and guide all my group members in their walk with him. May God bless all of you!!
On Sunday, when to East Coast Park with my CG..It was really fun especially with the people I came to know better throught VBC..We went cycling, then lunch at Macs, then we split up..Some to shopping, and the rest of us to play pool..All the time, I was missing YoU......Then of course came the silly rumour just because I asked _ _ _ _ _ _ to come play pool..Come on la..We asked everybody can...So its nothing special..But..Like I told Abby..Why would I ever need another girl when mine is wonderful? haha.. Yup..So...Its not true ok?? Yup..Played pool when them, and then became Abby's "tu di"..Haiz..sad mistake then lose her..Nevermind....I shall live with the mistake..hehe..Yup..The day ended like that...Really missed YoU..But it was fun and great to bond with my care group.. Thanks Joshua for being such a great leader!! Grace and Gen, you made the outing fun too!! thanks all my CG members!!!
Monday finally comes..The day I have been waiting for for the past 3 days..Avril comes home from camp!!! Woke up at 7 am that day, and kept waiting, and looking at my phone..waiting for that call to come..Getting all anxious and impatient..Finally, at about 1.30 pm, the call came!!! That one call made my day!!!! Hearing your voice, I was filled with joy and relief that YoU came home safe and sound!! And then YoU told me that won the Best Dressed at camp!! So proud of YoU!!! Hehe..Yup..It was great to have you back!! Can talk to you till late again!!
Yesterday..Went to Sentosa with Daniel, Abby, Eileen, Cheryl and 3 other whose names I cannot remember..It was fun, but was just worrying and thinking...Well, we did have fun playing the volleyball, captains ball, the number game and all, but all the while, was thinking bout YoU..haiz..I thought YoU said ok..Im sorry..Anyways..Thanks you guys for the fun at Sentosa..I enjoyed the part were we sat in the train and bluffed people about the"look there....." "Omg!! That one??..."Maybe cause of YoUr sms that made me a little lighter, but yup..that was fun to disturb people..Eileen was funny and is a wonderful actress..With her shocking " Amos!! Look there!!!!" Haha...Thanks so much for the fun you guys, see y'all again soon ok?? And today, 2 people said they hated me..Well, I dont blame them.......=(
Today, YoU woke up in a bad mood..Hmmm..Called me and scolded me...I guess, its my fault too...But i really tried..Set my alarm for 7.30 am..But...Guess, i just couldnt wake up...Sorry..Hmm..And, of course, i later realised that it was only partially my fault.. The other part belonged to YoUr dream!! Hmm..Anyways...I am really sorry about the 'sent items'..Well, it was only innocent talk..Im sorry..I shant let it happen again..Haiz..I am so so so sorry...Please forgive me..Haiz..Its my fault..Im sorry..Yup..Erm....Went out to eat Katong Laksa!!! And YoU made me eat the whole packet of Nasi Lemak alone..Too much!!!=p..Hehe..Hmm..Anyways..Then later we had a little shock as we entered the MRT....Sms from _ _ _ always scared...hehe..Thanks to YoU for reading minds..Haha..I was put at ease...Maybe you both are fated..Hehe..Cool..
Later, went to buy Ruel's birthday present.. A rocket that he has talked about recently, and a box of magic stuff...Altogether they cost $39.90..Thanks to YoU who helped, we bought both for Ruel..Sunday is his birthday..I wish him God's blessings..Haha..Yup..
Thanks Avril for helping me with the blog..Hehe..I really owe YoU alot...For your effort in making it nice..thanks!!! Hehe..Yupyup..Thanks!!
Alright..Shall go and sleep after this..Haha.."Thank you God, for blessing me with so many things and so many people who love me..Thank you God for my parents too.. Please help me to treasure them and in turn, share the love with those who are unloved.. Thank you again for Avril who is really a blessing to me..Forgive me of my sins that i may serve you in the newness of life....And thank You Father, for being such a wonderful God! Amen.."
DAR`LINKS
*aaron*
*audrey*
*avrill*
*esther*
*eeling*
*faith*
*maggie*
*pearlicia*
*rachael.K*
*Roseline*
*shuning*
*vanesaa*
*wei ling*
*xiaoxuan*
*Amanda B.*
*Dawn*
*Nelson*
*Kyallin*
*Loisa*
*Yi Ling*
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